ISPP 2015

Career Opportunities in Pharmacy
Thank You Notes: Trump’s Signature, Open-Back Hospital Gowns

If you guys wouldn’t mind,
I’d just like to write out my weekly
thank-you notes right now. Is that cool with you guys?
[ Cheers and applause ] James, can I get some
thank-you-note-writing music, please, James? [ Piano plays ] Thank you, Amy Klobuchar,
for eating a salad with a comb and proving that you’re ready
to run against the guy who combs his hair with a fork. That’s just interesting to me.
-Come on, come on. That’s one the kids can tell. -I just find it interesting. -Come on. [ Piano plays ] -Thank you, Trump’s signature, for also being a picture
of his heart rate while watching
Michael Cohen’s testimony. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -“Whoa.” -“Fake. Fake!” -“Where’s Kim?” -[ Laughs ] [ Shakily ]
“Where — Where’s Kim?” [ Normal voice ] Is that Trump
doing Johnny Cash? -Yeah. [ As Mister Ed ]
“Where’s Kim? Whoa.” [ Normal voice ]
It’s Trump Mister Ed. -It’s Trump Mister Ed.
-Trump Mister Ed, yeah. -[ As Wilbur ]
Ed, I got to feed you and hurry up
and get back to work. -[ As Mister Ed ]
Well, I can’t, Wilbur. I got to go to Folsom Prison. -I know you’re a talking horse
and everything. I’m going on a date
with a real woman. -Really? -Yeah. [ Neighing ] Fake.
Fake news. [ Laughter ] Haaaay. [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
He’s a horse, he’s a horse. -[ Normal voice ]
It’s a horse, yeah. Heeey. -Yeah. Exactly. [ Laughter ] Thank you,
the new Samsung Galaxy Fold, for being perfect for people
who love smartphones but wish they had
even more screens to crack. It’s like… “Can kinda see.
I think it’s a cute baby. I don’t know.” [ Piano plays ] Thank you, March weather. I can’t wait to wake up every
day and play the age-old game pleasant spring day
or full-blown arctic apocalypse? It’s like…
[ Applause ] -Parka or jacket. -[ As Wilbur ] The weatherman
says wear a helmet today. [ Laughter ] You believe that, Ed?
It’s crazy. -[ As Mister Ed ]
Well, I don’t. You should wear
some fireproof jeans. -[ Normal voice ] Ed, since when
did we put cable in the barn? -What’s that? -I mean, normally we don’t
have a cable box in the barn. I mean,
I pay for cable in the — You’re not stealing cable,
are you, Ed? -Me? No.
Why would I steal cable? -How would you know what
I was just talking about, the weatherman said — -I was watching the neighbor —
I stole cable. [ Laughter ] -I appreciate you being honest
with me, buddy. -You know what?
-What? -It’s not easy being
a talking horse, but having a human friend
like you makes, I don’t know,
life a little easier. -Well, I mean, like — [ As Wilbur ]
I’m sorry, buddy. I — Sorry — I mean, normally I’d wake up,
come down. -Right. -And I’d ride you
for four or five hours. [ Laughter ] -I’ve been meaning
to talk to you about that. [ Laughter ] There’s a saddle you can — You don’t need to go bareback.
There’s a saddle. -[ Normal voice ] You know,
I’ll just pay for cable. Never mind.
-Okay. -We never talk.
We never talk. [ As Wilbur ]
Good night, Ed. -Good night, Wilbur. Whoa. [ Piano plays ] -[ Normal voice ]
Thank you, nightclubs. [ Laughs ] [ Cymbal crashes ] [ Laughter ] [ As Wilbur ] I mean,
you’re a talking horse. You’d think you would
talk to me about it. At least say —
At least say stop. -Yeah, well, you know,
I didn’t want to be rude. [ Laughter ] You know, I don’t know
where the boundaries are. I live in a stable here
and I wait for you to show up. You do feed me. And I guess I felt
a lot of pressure. Never mind.
I’m good, I’m good. [ Laughter ] -Now, that one time you tried
to ride me, that was too much. That was too much.
That was too much. -I-I crossed the line.
-You certainly did. -You told me where the line is,
and I-I crossed it. [ Laughter ] And I apologize. [ Piano plays ] -[ Normal voice ]
Thank you, nightclubs, for being the perfect spot
for people to — [ Laughs ] There’s somebody in the back
laughing. [ Laughter ] I hear somebody in the back
laughing. All right, sorry. [ Laughter ] -Speaking of nightclubs — -No, no, hey, no. Hey, you shouldn’t
go out anymore, yeah. -I won’t.
I’ll stay here. [ Laughter ] [ Piano plays ] -Thank you, nightclubs,
for being the perfect spot for people
who like making small talk while screaming
at the top of their lungs. It’s like, “Hey,
how you doing man?! Yeah! I used to go to Blockbuster
years ago, but they don’t
have them anymore! So I used to rent movies!
I never returned one! You know what movie it was?!
“Mrs. Doubtfire”! I never even watched it ’cause they don’t make
video cassette players anymore! [ Piano plays ] Thank you, mint on my pillow. ‘Cause if there’s one surface
I want to eat food off of, it’s a hotel bed. [ Laughter, applause ] -Speaking of hotel beds — -What? -All right.
-All right. [ Piano plays ] Thank you, people with
high-end backpacks. It’s good to know that if
this business meeting runs late, you’re totes ready to set up
camp and build us a shelter. [ Laughter, applause ] [ Piano plays ] Thank you,
open-back hospital gowns, for not going by your
real name — booty curtains. There you go, everybody. There you have it.
Those are my thank-you notes.

100 thoughts on “Thank You Notes: Trump’s Signature, Open-Back Hospital Gowns

  1. I was at this recording, and let me just say, they had to have cut so much out of this, because the horse bits went on and on, and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

  2. I wonder how often "Who is Mr. Ed?" going to be searched because of this video? Lol….I know who he is/was but I am not so sure the younger viewers would know. "Oooooh Wilbur" ๐Ÿ˜Š

  3. I like the last joke about hospital ๐Ÿฅ gowns jimmy called them: โ€œBooty Curtainsโ€ ! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜„

  4. Some how they took my joke that I posted on Seth Meyers vid of trump's signature being his pulse rate lol

  5. why can these two just do a segment where they just rant or improve, it is way better than the thank you notes, also, this is prove that what they are doing there is waaay funnier

  6. Iโ€™m starting to think Jimmy and staff love Trump because itโ€™s all they talk about on every show.

  7. When I see Thank you notes with more than 3 minutes, I know Fallon and Higgens were doing their bits ๐Ÿ˜…

  8. When you donโ€™t have the same sense of humor as these grown men who have taken away all of my brain cells bc of this sketch. I came to here the thank you notes, not about cable or horses hahah

  9. I think Higgins made a good impersonation of Mr. Ed. That was quite an education. In fact , he could be a good replacement of our current Secretary of Ed!

  10. When's this idoit going to knowledge that he has a hair piece . It's disgusting to see, with all the money he has, that ridiculous crap on his head. It looks like a rug.

  11. Suppose you told the people in an Asian country that they had to allow millions of non-Asians to immigrate to their country every year and to intermarry with them, so that, within decades, the Asians would be a minority in their own country.
    Suppose that you told them that they were evil racist nazis if they refused to do this.
    Do you think they would buy this? Of course not! What kind of self-hating Asian would agree to this?
    But this is what anti-White White people are doing to their own people.
    They say they are anti-racist, but what they are is anti-White.
    Anti-racist is a codeword for anti-White.

  12. Boy, Jimmy and his no-neck announcer really know how to run a joke straight into the ground 5 times over…

  13. OKAY so 5:27 – that instrumental is something I've thought about for a long time. Can you PLEASE tell me what it is? Is it just a rendition of another song? I remember it back from the Late Night days. It used to be the background music for the 15 second rave in cellphone shootout.

  14. โ€œNo, I was watching the neighbors I jus-..I stole cableโ€ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Omfg I canโ€™t breath!


  16. Hey Jimmy, can you please have the K-Pop group Blackpink in Your Show, there in America right now and there New comeback is coming soon so now would be the best time to do it, Please Jimmy Do It For us Blinks!!!!!!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ

  17. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  18. I stopped watching late night crap like this years ago. These guys are just spewing leftist propaganda. Not funny and only stupid people can watch it. Wake up dummies.

  19. There's a mexican clown that copies absolutely everything from your show. They stole even the way you arrange your stage, the sketches and the games you very smartly created. Not sure how it infringes the copyright laws, but wow, this mexican clown copied it ALL. Here's an example of your thank you notes (obviously yours are waaaaay better)

  20. You don't need Higgins, Jimmy, he is SO unfunny.ย  You have James if you need him…NO MORE HIGGINS PLEASE!

  21. Thank you Alphabet
    For tricking children to thinking there is a big letter called

    Thank You Donald Trump for building walls
    so China doesnโ€™t kill us wth there chopsticks and their rice

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