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Self-Hatred & How To Deal with it! Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

Self-hatred, self-loathing, low self esteem, no self confidence. I know this sounds dark and dreary, but we’re gonna talk about it, and we’re gonna figure out what to do. So stay tuned. So like I said, today we’re gonna talk a little bit about self-hatred, lacking confidence, and having really, really low self esteem. Cause I hear from a lot of you that it’s really difficult and we’re kind of trapped in it, and there are many things that we can do to get out of it. So if you find yourself ruminating and having bad day after bad day, or find yourself in the middle of your day and all of a sudden you have these horrible, nasty, negative thoughts, and they just spin and spin and spin until we just wanna go home and cry, cause it’s just been such a bad day. There are so many things that we can do to help ourselves. And the first thing that I want you to do, and I want you to recognize, is where do we find the triggers coming from? Are these triggers that are internal, or are these triggers that are external? Meaning, is it that I watched a video about someone who has everything together and has a great life? Like, sometimes I feel like I follow people on instagram because I’m jealous of their life, right? We watch and they’re like “taking trips to Paris, and buying such nice things, “and going on all these fancy trips, and blah blah blah.” Does that trigger you and make you feel worse about who you are, where you are in your life? Or is it something internal? Is it the story that we tell ourselves? This rumination we just can’t seem to get out of our heads? Which is it? Because then, I have things that we can do for both of those things. So if it’s an external, if it’s something that you find yourself watching, seeing, doing, then obviously, the best thing we can do, is make sure that we’re putting in positive information. We’re seeking out positive people. We’re not making plans with friends that always put us down, or what I call give “complisults,” where they like compliment you but they insult you at the same time and you’re like “why do I feel bad about myself all of a sudden?” Sneaky, sneaky. Not very fun. So let’s make sure if it’s an external thing, that we’re surrounding ourselves with people who brighten us, who build better self esteem for us, who make us feel happy and good about who we are, and where we are in our lives. Or if it’s something we’re reading or looking at, don’t do that anymore. I don’t subscribe to any magazines that promote anything like diets, exercise, or anything like that. Actually, I don’t even subscribe to any magazines, except for Real Simple, cause I love to organize. But, just make sure you’re putting good things in. We can’t put bad things in and expect to get good out, right? So, let’s clean that up. And the second part, if you find that it’s an internal thing, it’s something that you keep telling yourself, it’s this story, it’s this horrible feeling you have. I want you to start noticing those moments, those seconds, those days, whatever it is, when you don’t have that. When “bad self esteem” or when “self hatred” doesn’t come into your day, it doesn’t even come into your mind. Notice that, and I want you to write about it. I want you to journal about it, I want you to write a story about your day. “I got up today and I felt good, and here’s what I did.” I want you to change the story you’re telling yourself. So we’re gonna start focusing on those times when that self hatred, that disgust, that low confidence, that whatever it is, comes in, I want you to notice the times when it’s not there. Let’s start focusing on that, because something interesting that happens in our minds; the more that we focus on those positive stories, those positive experiences that we have, the less fequent we have those bad ones. And I would encourage you, if you find that your days are getting really, really bad, then let’s make up a day. Let’s start writing about a day when it didn’t happen. It doesn’t have to have happened. We’re just telling a story, about ourselves, our perfect day. And I want to start thinking in the positive, and I know it’s slow at the start, and it’s hard, and it’s almost like we’re a cartoon character, where we’re like “I’m going, I’m going,” but then, we take off. And it’s so much easier, and we’ll find that the more we try to focus on the positive, and the less on the negative, we’ll start to feel better, we’ll start to be more confident. Things will be brighter, clouds will be puffier, skies will be bluer. It’ll be really exciting, and I promise you, it will help, and for any of you who’ve gone through this, or have tips and tricks, or things that help brighten your day, maybe– I know you guys get texts sent to you of positive quotes and things like that–share your tips below. And don’t forget to like the video. We wanna make sure we share this. If you can share this, share the link. You know the little link of the video that goes below this, that has all those weird letters and numbers, share it, let’s help spread awareness. Help people know that they’re not alone in how they’re feeling. And if you find yourself seeking a supportive community, hop on, cause there’s tons of people there to support and love one another. And I’m also on twitter, I’m on tumblr, I’m on instagram, I’m on google plus, I’m on facebook, I’m all over the place. So if you’re looking for a supportive community, I’ve got one in every possible social media place you could ever desire. So keep checking back, don’t forget to subscribe, and let’s work together towards a healthy mind, and a healthy body. Subtitles by the community

100 thoughts on “Self-Hatred & How To Deal with it! Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

  1. Mine is I'm not performing well
    The thought what is wrong with me
    I like how you say tell ourselves a good positive story

  2. It all stems from childhood. A love deprived childhood, u grow older, thinking that, being unloved is love!!

  3. I fucking hate myself , so fucking much , and I hate when I finally open up to someone and tell them how much I hate myself and they don't believe me..

  4. I hate myself. Every day since I was probably in sixth grade. It feels like realism rather than positive vs negative. I realize I am slow. I am dumb. I am incompetent at everything I have ever tried. I am not good enough. I deserve to suffer for living a life better than I should have. I have no friends. Everyone I love I let down and they leave. I am a failure. This is what my self hatred sounds like. It feels like a mantra, a chant, a meditation. It's my normal day.

  5. My self hatred started when I first did self harm because I felt dumb,stupid not perfect lots of other personal reasons about my family my parents are not together then something worse happened my best best friend started to tell me that I'm ugly I'm fat I'm not smart then… I did self harm again I threw the shampoo bottle on the ground and broke the lid then I made a sharp spot then I started to cut my myself. I felt so bad a few days later my friend that is calling me these names told me that I was lesbian and I was a boy because I had short hair and she would always say "hey do you know where the ugly face is" she said to me then she touched my face " oh there it is your face" then she started laughing I didn't feel like laughing anymore with her stupid sense of humour to tell someone that and bring them down with you but I did laugh bc I did'nt want to make her sad then after that I said to her Don't call me that I don't like what you are doing but she would never listen then I told my dad about my problem, he said he was going to talk to her mom but I thought she would never change

  6. I find myself doing the first thing often, for example, I stay off certain forums I used to browse on reddit that are prone to attracting mean-spirited commenters that just make me sad and angry about the state of the world. Similarly, some podcasts I used to listen to have such a negative tone that I don't listen to them anymore either, even if I still find them funny/entertaining because they just bring my overall mood down.

  7. I have been living with self hatred all my life and I often find mental health tips to be a paradox. Trying to cure mental illness while being mentally ill. The mind wins every time. And if you succeed in curing yourself, were you ever mentally ill?

  8. I hate myself when I see truly good people. I have failed god too much and have only myself to blame. Sometimes I scare myself at how spiteful and apathetic I've been. This world is so full of evil and chaos, yet instead of using that knowledge to better myself, I self loathe and judge people like I'm some fat fucking all knowing sage. Let me please use this piece of cyberspace to let the world know I'm sorry.

  9. When you’re ugly as I am it’s really hard to have self confidence or self respect I hate everything about me.

  10. My boyfriend keeps saying I’m pretty, adorable, beautiful etc but I don’t really see how so my friend made me promise that I would stop hating myself and here I am

  11. This is my emergency video. I recognized that i‘m talking bad to myself and seeked especially this video. I watch it and now I can get to sleep without obsessing negatively about myself. Thank you Katie!

  12. Hi Kati! You talk often about 1. noticing the negative self talk 2. talking back to them, but afaik usually mentioning this within a longer video. Not sure if there is a dedicated video about how to stop the negative thinking patterns – especially related to self-hate. Do you plan to make one for people who like to revisit your good reminders in a targeted manner?
    I know you are on a break now, wishing you a nice rest, but I hope you will see my message after!

  13. Over a whole decade and a few years of hating myself and hating what I looked at every day, I found a friend and she helped me appreciate beauty from the world, whenever I’m close to breaking it’s easier to look outside and calm down, it doesn’t always work and sometimes it’s bad… and that’s it

  14. i just feel so heavy on my chest and i wanna cry so much, everything i do makes me cringe and i can't seem to let any of it go.

  15. I hide myself in reading books. Books are my only friends, isnt that lovely ? My bookcase is full and dont know where to put the new books I get to read. Anyone else tries to find something to do because have no friends ?

  16. Unfortunately some things are immutable, that because they are, feeling better about yourself isn't an option.

  17. Everyone tells me I should love myself but what if I can't see anything in myself that is worth loving? I can't just make myself feel something I absolutely do not. I don't deserve kindness from myself or anyone else. Love must be earned. There are seven billion people on the planet, humans are a dime a dozen. A single life means nothing, especially not mine. I've done nothing to improve anything, I'm a waste of resources. So many more deserving of existence.

  18. Existence for me is like a cigarette, burn and smoke the shit out of it then put it out. These videos make me want death even more because of exploitation of depression you have on shirts and coffee mugs. But on the other hand, at least someone's talking about it.

  19. I lived with a self narration of my (currently on pause) girlfriend would leave me becasue I was not enough of a man to please and bring joy to my past life mate. She broke my heart and had sex three times with three different men throughout a ten year marriage and then, she had met her last boyfriend and i found out via facebook chat. He messages me and asks if she was available. This messed with me because i gave in and said "no we are not" after she plead to keep him in her life because that was the love of her life. Now, fast forward about two weeks into this ordeal, she was still there and not caring about anything but herself, this boy sent her flowers, a mold ur penis and candies to hold her over until they met.

    Now, fast forward five years later…… I met the most beautiful women inside and out. We had sparks and soon enough we progressed to dating, meeting parents and friends network. All was good, until there was a miscommunication that made me feel like she broke up with me. (long story short, her friend, that was trying to help said something that I felt was a break up, on my boo's cell, so i thought in all reality it was her.) After this, my mindset was "when is the other boot going to drop" "she left me now, she will like my ex did" "I am not sexually enacquitted to keep her interested in me" and so much others.

    And now fast forward to the present….. We are on pause and I was left wanting. Wanting to learn and overcome this pain of my past and internal self hate. To show self care and self love. For, I projected my self hate to the relationship and she naturally withdrew to save her her sanity.

    I'm found looking within these days, it's hard to admit that I messed up and this is the hardest because it requires to me address my internal process and stop so much…… Instead of reaction to emotions I am learning my emotions, judgments.

    I have hope that I can and will become the man that will push past this now, she and I are talking still. More reserved and understandable. I have some work to do inside me. I am understanding I have growth to do internal before I an date once more. I am starting to see my self hate and inside my mind at night during the dark times I hug myself in my mind because I keep seeing my ex begging me to not mess up her relationship she has built.

    This is me, vulnerable and open. To share and hopefully other can build from my mistakes and become more wise.

  20. I feel like a complete failure. I suck at doing basic tasks, no one wants to hang out with me because I just suck at attending school / doing hw. I’m so behind that it makes me feel ill and I’m so overwhelmed and I feel so alone, despite having a wonderful partner who makes me feel special. At school I feel like everyone neglects me & just sees me as the gal who can’t do the bare minimum

  21. Mam thank u so much for sharing this peice of information.. udk but u jst sitting at one place ND preaching or rather giving us alternatives for a better life can contribute in clearing up the mess that we r in.. thanks again .

  22. i used to look in the mirror and say u r nothing nobody cares for u bu that is starting to fade away since i wached this video it helped me allot this mornin i saw my self in the mirror and said to myself you mean something and i smiled for the first in weeks

  23. For me Kati is starts every with the task of getting dressed and then throughout the day, mirrors, going to the bathroom, washing.

  24. thank you! you look so genuine and passionate, i really had a bad day and being self hatred 24/7, thank you again for making me feel better be positive!

  25. This is something that I need to work on and overcome. I would be depressed and hate myself thinking since birth that I would have thing good in life and if I do it automatically disappears. I must gain self-compassion and realize that I deserve to attract good things in my life and lasts a lifetime.

  26. I feel that my self hated came originally from external sources, people saying your dumb, your ugly, all you ever do is F*** up! This happened to me from even elementary school, then middle school, and high-school, it has happened so long that I feel like it snuck its way into my everyday life, I'll ask a question and no one responds, I'll just think, shut up they don't care why did you even ask, just be quiet no one cares. I'll just sit there quietly telling myself I'm no good, I'm not worth peoples time, why bother. I hope that whoever reads this know that they aren't alone, people have trouble too, please ask for help weather its online, a friend or even family.

  27. I hate myself because I AM. There is no obvious reason and i dont believe that giving myself a positive story would help. I either feel neutral or bad. Even though i force myself to tell myself positive things i always go back to hating myself.

  28. It doesn't fucking help when u are what u should avoid and having your life be a series of horrible shit

  29. This world is weird. You feel like you want to die, but you can’t. That’s the torture. You can’t let yourself go because there are things tying you down.

  30. My self-hate is always triggered by doing things, i start to do something, i do it wrong/not good enought and i know i do EVERYTHING wrong, so I stop do things, only sleep is what dont make me hate myself more

  31. Whole my life I had one girlfriend… And all the time I hated 😠 this relationship because her ex was a hot strong most desirable man in whole city……

    Compared to him I'm a spec of dust. ..

    I feel she has a lot of memories with that young boy..

    And misses him who knows 💔

  32. Am currently going to therapy and it’s helping me so much. Your channel has been a great supplementary resource for me to keep the suggestions fresh in my mind. Thank you so much Kati! Love your work. 🙂

  33. I'm on very high depression,and it's a long term one …to the point that my soul actually hates the body it fits inside…and I just take revenge from myself…but I will never suicide I will face all these troubles just to become stronger…and I'm seeking for help from myself more than others..just to become able to fix myself by my own so that in my future breakdowns I win by my own…but I'm sure the more we live the more we get problems and they become even harder day by day while we're still alive…it's just destiny…

  34. I think i am so messed up. Never did anything "bad", but I told so many lies to just make myself look better when I actually failed. I am constantly trying to make up things, trying to make things right while hating myself for my incompetence and laziness. Then it comes to a point that you just give everything up again and tell more lies to make yourself look less pathetic. I know this is gonna come to a very very bad end. One day I will be confronted by all the people I love and they will know that I am just a piece of lazy pathetic shit that doesn't deserve anything good. Above is my toxic thought that haunts me everyday…I know this is not the entire truth but I can't help to think myself that way.

  35. Some part of me wants to feel good about how I look or how I come across to others, but I fear not being humble or real with myself. Logically, I know that if I’m feelin' myself or I’m confident one day, that doesn’t make me arrogant or an immoral person, but emotionally, I put myself down for those few moments of self love. I’ve never quite come to terms with that before, so Kati, I thank you for your channel. In this short video, I learned how beneficial it is to cherish my moments of self appreciation, and tackle my internal insecurities. But further yet, you have helped me to understand the value of therapy as a tool to break those hurtful cycles of thought we all have.

  36. I feep like if i hate myself im doing it for attention but then I realize that I do hate myself. Then the cycle repeats and it makes me hate myself even more.

  37. Hehe.. im addicted to loneliness and hopelessness…. its fun you know … when u know there is no hope for u and there is no one that will help.. but it makes me extremely angry at myself wgat right do a trash like me have to even think someone will help me… btw its kinda fun being drowned in despair giving up.. getting panic attacks .. i kida like yhese things.. i wont commit suicide but seriously if had really high regenerative abilities i would smash a fcking hammer on my dam face.. i will tear that fcking sh!t (im talking about myself)… self hatred is kinda good too. I like being hopeless…

  38. The only reason i smile is to make sure things dont go awkward… other than that i think i lost something from inside and i cant pay price for happiness..

  39. I hate myself because I get mad at myself when I do something stupid or wrong and I blame myself for stuff that wasn’t my fault but I think it is this has been going on for a year now I’m only 10 I’m trying to help myself not think that it’s just really hard I sometimes bang my head on walls and I just don’t know how to stop it it’s just really hard my grandfather had diabetes and he killed him self he went into the woods and stopped takeing his meds and died I don’t want to kill myself but I do but I don’t it’s just so hard I don’t know what to do 😭

  40. I feel unwanted, but I also feel pathetic and self pittying when I think negitivly, which makes me feel guilty…..and hate myself more. Its a cycle, a maudlin cycle.

  41. I honestly hate my personality but i can’t change as it is what it is. Not that im being stubborn. i’ve tried to change multiple times but it always ended up me being myself. I know that being yourself is a good thing and everyone out there is encouraging that concept. But the fact that the surrounding people in my life almost have the same personality (critical, decisive, strong, confident etc) that differs from mine (emotional, empathetic, indecisive, insecure, allegedly dreamy) makes me question myself whether im a loser or something. I always feel im not good enough for all of them, and that im always taken for granted because people really look down on me or disrespect me. There’s something about me, maybe the appearance, that invites disrespect and low opinions from people all around. Sometimes i just wish to be like a plant or something else, just being without emotion so that i could not be hurt anymore

  42. What I do whenever I feel down is that instead of pointing out flaws of your body start thinking about the good things you've got.. that's my way of feeling better 🙂

  43. I kept breaking done in hysteric tears and having tons of mood swings during work and my inside thoughts became so drastic that I could not function mentally at work. I quit my job immediately, took time off went broke, got a job that was physically demanding, that released endorphines and now I am much happier! I have been noticing that I have depressive episodes at least once a year and that can get so bad that I physically cannot get out of bed. It turns into sleeping 16 hours a day and takes a toll on the loving people around me. I either have super highs or super lows, when I am in between in its usually when I am not thinking about anything specific and I am working and don't think about anything else. My mind wanders when it comes to important things and even everyday conversation. Someone would talk to me and one word might trigger something and I would loose focus of the conversation altogether and sometimes I would be so distracting thinking about a memory or idea that the word triggered that I forget or don't realize that I am at the specific location having a conversation let alone the person I am talking to. This "spacing out" moment has always been with me through out my life it has just become so often it can happen multiple times in a conversation that I have to kind of yell at myself in my head-"focus Amanda, stay focus, focus" then start to repeat in my mind what the person was saying after they say it to get back on the cconversation. I would also be distracted by the surrounding environment, ex: that girl has curly hair, there is brown dog there, oh he is chewing gum, I can see his freckles, the light turned and the car went right I wonder if that was the way hhewas supposed to go, maybe he is going home, what time should I go home, probably 8-shoot I am having a conversation what was being said. Then I would try to piece the conversation back by words I may have heard when I was distracted. I can have issues with keeping things neat and tidy in specific locations outside of my home and I would organize multiple times a week even a day but when I get home there is just so much that is overwhelming that I don't do anything to organize, when I do it is usually when I am so angry or upset and I get irritable that I will get mad when anything touches me which also happens when my environment is hot or hummid, I will have angry out bursts and everything that touches me makes me angry. And that is not even half of things I go through…. Sorry I needed the vent moment just now

  44. I'm so confused. I'm lost. I dont feel like I'm in control of my life. I hate myself, and even my friends dont like me. My dad told me he doesnt love me anymore a few weeks ago, I'll never forget it. I want to kill myself but I cant, I just cant, because the thought of what it would do to my mum and my sister just hurts me so much, it makes it so much worse. I just want to be liked by other people. I know I come across as a bit of a cunt when I'm around people, but I really dont meant to. I try to be nice but I just come across the complete opposite. I hate it. I dont understand. I'm just so confused and scared and I want to die to escape, but I want to live as well, to try to make something of myself. I'm not built for this and it makes me so so so, so sad

  45. I’ve had and still both internal along with external self-loathing along with hatred. I have a platform I've started. #SelfHatred #ImSayingThisWithSincerity

  46. What about if you feel so desperately sad and self hating, but can't talk to family or friends and constantly feel like never want things to improve, as in your feel worse looking for advice to help you?

  47. Triggering thoughts warning, if you are not feeling well yourself please don't read this.

    I don't know, it feels like I am in a waiting room at the moment- with no idea what I'm waiting for. It just feels so empty, pointless and like I'm just killing time. And I hate myself for being like this, for not knowing how to stop this way of thinking or at least be happy or thankful. I feel like I owe it to the people I love and who love me too, but I dont know how long i can continue this. Also I hate how over dramatic this sounds, like I have no right to complain and why the fuck am i even making a big deal out of this, its just whiny and I should just shut up, but i still cant stop feeling this way.
    I dont know, i just felt like typing this out.

  48. I just hate myself. No matter what I do, it just ends up with me thinking about how much I hate myself and how I act. I’m just so done with everything.

  49. telling troubled people to just "be positive" is terrible advise. It's like telling them to just deny they have problems and pretend they don't exist and all that positivity will make it all disappear

  50. My self hatred is me belittling myself. Calling myself horrible, a failure, ugly, stupid, undeserving of love, questioning why people like me or even want to talk to me. It's been in my life since I was in elementary school I want to say. I'm 23 now. I thought it was normal up until about 3-4 years ago. I would never hurt myself, but I do call myself down so much to the point where I just bawl out crying. I try so hard not to do this to myself. I tell myself to shut up and just stop. But that makes me want to cry more. Eventually I do things to distract myself. Usually watching youtube or netflix. And then I just don't really talk about it to anyone. Because I think that I shouldn't worry others with my issues, and are my issues even that important? Am I just making a big deal about this? Because to most people I know irl or even online friendships, I seem like I'm fine. I seem like I'm happy and cheerful, but I'm not always like that. And honestly I'm probably just being like that at that moment, for them. So that they're happy and so that they don't have to worry about me. Or so that they won't have to question me of why I feel this way. I'm not even really sure. There shouldn't be a reason for me to even feel like this. I just do. Anyways, if you're out there reading this to the end, thank you. And I hope you get the help you need to feel better.

  51. Thank you @KatiMorton. I am new to your channel. I have resen struggling a lot. 2018 was my power year. This year I was miserable completely. You are funny. I have menstrual psychosis. I was the 21 person in the world with a case documented to have it. Look it up on wikipedia. It is now known about and treatable. Everyone else lived in Japan with 3 male versions of it. What the Male diagnosis is I do not know called. I was the only person in the United States. I grew up my whole life in Encinitas….. North Coastal San Diego. I was diagnosed age 21 with Bipolar one disorder. at UCLA by Doctor Resnick. disorder and I will be 35 in December. You are not alone. It took 9 doctors to diagnose me.

  52. I started my menses at age 11. Before my birthday. I just got confused and I began crying and I was perfectly happy and I was playing with my dolls and toys. I wondered why i was crying. I cried for about 3 minutes and my PARENTING comforted me. Doctors thought I was depressed I got put on anti depressant in jr. high. MY PROGESTERONE ALMOST WAS NOT MEASURABLE AT AGE 15. Patients need a complete physical and many blood tests and hormonal supplements. I am Estrogen Toxic and I take Progesterone supplements. DON'T USE HORMONES UNLESS YOUR DOCTOR TESTS YOU AND SAYS YOUR LEVELS ARE IMBALANCED. I WAS DEPRESSED AND CONFUSED FOR YEARS AND IT WILL MESS UP YOUR ENTIRE BODY AND HORMONES WILL INTERACT WITH YOUR MEDICATION IF YOU DONT NEED THEM OR IF YOU USE THE WRONG DOSE. MY MOTHER IS 66 OR 67 SHE HAS BEEN A NURSE SINCE SHE WAS 22. SHE HAS TAKEN CARE OF EVERY KIND OF PATIENT NURSING IS HER PASSION.



  53. Having negative feelings?
    Just don’t do that anymore!!!

    See how easy that was! I feel better already 😊 </sarcasm>

  54. What if you just think you are a worthless piece of shit who is never gonna succeed and is a fucking crybaby? Got any advice?

  55. I am overweight and have been working out for a month I lost the weight but never gained what I wanted and now I am back to the same weight. I asked to get a room change because I get punched every day and I get poked in the side, all of my "friends" call me a barrel and stupid. I thought watching this video would help, but now I just hate myself even more and I don't why.

  56. I just got complimented and I cried. Not cause I was so happy about it but because I didn't believe the person and it felt like they are lying to me. I think that showed me that I hate myself even more than I thought I would.

  57. I tend to give myself zero credit for the good days and all the credit for my bad days. All of the credit for my good days tend to go to other people. "That person made it a good day. I had nothing to do with that." I guess that's called self-victimization. I self loath because I don't think I'm capable of good things. I tend to feel better about myself the less time I spend with others, because then I have no choice but to give myself credit for my good days. I wish I could be social without putting myself down… But I also don't wanna put others down. Why does my brain force me to apply negativity to someone or something? Whether its a person, an event, an object, myself… It's like I have this hatred that needs to go somewhere. I hate that I can hate… If that makes any sense.

  58. I believe the main issue is, the need for connection we all have, we want to belong, we want to measure to society's demands to fit in.

  59. Years ago I relocated to marry a woman that I loved. Since then…
    My entire family passed away
    I was laid off from my job
    My wife and I had to declare bankruptcy.We lost everything.
    My wife divorced me because she stopped loving me.
    Women think I'm ugly and guys think I'm stupid
    I've been pretty much alone for years worrying about my future.
    I sometimes disappointed because I didn't pass away in my sleep. I have another day that I have to be me.

  60. I HATE MYSELF. I hate that I don’t chase after the things I want in life because i’m so fucking weak!! I hate myself so much. Sometimes I wish i’d die, and sometimes I wish everyone else would suffer instead of me for once. The crazy thing is…I have a loving family, I DO have friends, and I’m financially stable. But all of that is trivial, as much as I’d love to be grateful of the things I do have, I just tend to hurt over the things I dont have and that others do. I hate the person am, the person I’ve become, and the people that I’ve hurt. I wish I could just go back and start over from the beginning. But it’s not possible. Everyday I feel more and more powerless and overall worthless. I hate myself for being so envious of others. I hate that I never told the girl I loved how I felt. I hate that I never had the guts to chase my dreams. I hate that everytime I meet a girl who’s nothing like the others, it doesn’t work out because I’m just not good enough. I hate that everyone expects great things from me, but I’m nothing but a failure. I hate that there are people out there who have everything and DONT deserve it. I hate that I hate myself and the entire world because in reality…I care. I care too much and I hate that I’m so vulnerable. How can I call myself a man, when I’m such a coward, when I’ve never been with a girl because i’m so damn insecure. I’m so fucking afraid of everything, that I don’t take chances. I hate myself and I don’t know if that’ll ever change.

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