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Self-Harm! Kati Morton — Mental Health Videos | Kati Morton


So this week’s video has to do with self-harm and how everyone around us responds to that [Kati Morton – MFTI] Now what I mean by this and what I’m kind of hoping to do this week is just normalise your experience. Because I know all the time, for all different veins, whether it is on my twitter account or youtube or tumblr or on my website, I hear from everybody that, someone or something has either made you feel like you are the only one that has this problem. They make you feel like a freak. Or a weirdo or what you are doing is just so disgusting, ‘ugh’ and that just makes us feel worse Right? Because nothing is worse than feeling like we don’t fit in, what I’m experiencing is really weird, nobodys heard of it before, nobody knows what to do Nobody likes to feel that way, right? And I’m here to tell you that you are not weird, that you are not alone. This is not something that’s unheard of, and you know who is saying that? People that are uneducated and they should be ashamed of themselves. As part of the professional world and therapy, doctors and psychiatrists, LSWS if any of you see a social worker, part of our licensing every year we have to gather, and it depends on the licensing how many hours, but roughly about 30-40 hours of continuing education. You know what that says to me? I need to broaden what I know, right? So when somebody says to you, if you are self-harming, ‘woah, I don’t deal with that, I don’t really know, ugh’, that means they haven’t broadened their knowledge. That doesn’t make you weird. That means that they haven’t learned and they are ignorant as to what is going on, okay? But the first thing and the most important type of person that I want to talk about is our family, and I will even lump in friends with it because it is those people that are really close to us and kind of know us for who we are or who we were before this or maybe what happened to cause this. They have all the information. And in my experience, and I’ve been reading, I have been doing a lot of research about this, because I want to make sure I’m gathering all the information. But, it sounds like, my experience is kind of what’s happening and what other peoples experiences are, and that is that family’s first response is fright. “Oh my gosh, I don’t know what to do, oh my gosh, my kid” and they freak out, right? But instead of just letting that happen internally and “okay, what do I need to know” and you know, gathering that information, a lot of time that turns into anger. So, they’re scared and then they react angrily. A lot of people say things, like parents I have heard say to some of my clients, like “How could you do that to yourself, who would be so stupid as to hurt themselves”, right? And that is not coming from a place of love and care. That is coming from a place of misunderstanding. They don’t know, they don’t understand what is going on and the worst thing to parents and the hardest thing for me to ever get them to understand or to accept, is that one of their children is showing signs of a mental disorder, a mental illness. And that’s kinda of why I’m even creating what I’m creating here, is to try and break through the stigma of mental illness. It is not something to be scared about or angry about. It is just something that needs to be understood, right? So, if you have had that experience, if your parents have said things like “How dare you, I can’t believe you do that” and then get angry, or they even become almost narcissistic “Like, what is this your way of making me feel guilty because I didididi…” They might go into that kind of stream. Know that that’s normal. I know that doesn’t make it okay and I know that the hurt is still there. But know that is most common. And that’s really why we have to work together. Why I need you to share this, why I need you to comment. Because we need to get a larger voice so that we can break through the stigma and we can minimize that for people in the future Because something, if I look back in history to like the 70s, when eating disorders were just becoming more prevalent, people responded that way to them. Anger, fright, it’s like ‘their weird’, we don’t know how to deal and although we still have a long ways to go, with eating disorders we have come a long way. In the States, there are treatment centres all over. This was unheard of in the 70s in the United States, this was like hospital treatment, tube fed. That was it. There was no mental health help. They were not actually giving you any therapy or working on the problem, they were just trying to refeed you as if that was all the problem was. So, let’s work together. Let’s kind of cut this time down, right? Because not everybody has to get that response. So the next thing I want to talk about, so we have family and friends, and then I want to talk a little bit about therapists and other professionals and how they might respond. And I’ve had many clients come to me and say “yeah, I was referred to you from so-and-so because they told me that they can’t deal with me. They’re…not in their scope of practice” Or they’ll use some type of term that therapists use to refer patients out. And to be honest, from a therapy side, I am glad that people refer people out if they don’t have the knowledge, because nothings worse than having someone working with us, when they don’t really know what they’re working on, right? It can be kind of hard, like we are guiding our own treatment versus the opposite, right? But, how does that make us feel? I go into see somebody I finally got up the courage to call-in and I make an appointment, I sit there, and then she tells me “oh I’m sorry, I don’t deal with self-harm or cutting, I just don’t. I’m going to have to refer to you somebody”. It makes us feel like we are weird, like somethings wrong with us, and people don’t know how to handle and treat us. It comes along with a lot of those emotions and that’s okay. I would hate to feel that way. It is the same thing I was just talking about with family and how people ‘treat’ it or not treat it, right? And that’s kind of been the experience of people. In the media, they dramatise self-harm. They show the worst case scenario. And they make it this big deal. “So-and-so does this everyday” (shock). People recoil and get bad, nasty faces and ugh and they act like it’s so horrible. It’s not. We watch, I mean I watch, I’ll speak for myself, I watch like CSI and stuff. I’m addicted to crime, mystery, solving the case. I love that stuff. But I watch that. But then people are going to recoil when they see a small scratch or burn. If I fell when I was a child I’m sure my Mum bandaged my knee. She didn’t recoil and freak out, right? So why are people doing that and I don’t really like that media is dramatizing it and turning it into this nasty thing, because there is nothing nasty about it, right? So that’s just something I want to talk about because I feel that a lot of us feel alone and you’re not. And a lot of us think we are the only ones experiencing this, the only one whose parents, or therapist or teacher or the media, that we’re the only ones that feel that. And I’m here today to tell you that you are not. You are not alone. You don’t have to go at this alone, okay? So just, be prepared. Things like this may come up. When you decide to finally tell people about it, know that there may be a bad response. But how do we prepare, right? I always talk about preparation. If any of you read my questions and answers, I’m always preparing people. So, what do we do? We need to know how we are going to respond if someone doesn’t respond well. What do we say? How do we get help anyways? How do we persevere? We reach out, right? This whole community is filled with people struggling with the same thing. Let’s talk to one another. Let’s support one another. That is the best thing we can do right now because we are going to work together so as the years pass, and as we keep fighting, other people coming before or dealing with this later on, don’t have to go through this You and I can make a difference and that’s really what I’m here for because we are working together towards a Healthy Mind and a Healthy Body. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

75 thoughts on “Self-Harm! Kati Morton — Mental Health Videos | Kati Morton

  1. That's how my mom reacted when I told her I had EDNOS. And I constantly feel like the family poster child for mental illness. I felt so isolated and ostrisized because DOCTORS asked me what EDNOS was. And they all responded with "But you're not thin?" Or "You must throw up?" OF COURSE geniuses…because everyone who starves themselves looks like Skellitor. Riiiiiiiight. That's why I started the blog. By the way, I sent you a few Tumblr asks. And stuck this link into the blog. LOVE YA!

  2. Do you think it's worth it to tell your parents? I'm 17 and have been cutting (and also burning when I was really depressed) for almost 5 years. My parents don't know (or haven't acknowledged) of my cutting and our family has a lot of people with depression or anxiety disorder but we never talk about it. I feel I can wait til I'm 18, I've been planning since last year to wait til I'm 18 then go seek independent treatment. I don't feel it's worthy of telling my parents

  3. So true, mine changed everyday..One day they said i looked amazing, like a model..then the next, esp as i was having massive mood swings, they would call me a drama queen. I brought up the possibility i had an ED and they said i wasn't thin enough… I'm not angry at them, just feel sad for the lack of help i got as I had to suffer alot more than if I had been taken seriously

  4. Thank you so much for making these videos. You honestly have no idea what a huge impact it has made on my life. They have helped me so much. I have a few thousand Tumblr followers and I share your videos a lot, I hope it's helping!

  5. I think that along with what you said are parents responses, I think another response parents have is disappointment. Not just with their child but with themselves. Its hard to hear that your child is hurting themselves and some times they blame themselves and they lash out in anger but it really comes from a place of disappointment with themselves. "Why didn't I see this? Was this my fault?" etc.

  6. You're so good at explaining things. And so nice! Some people who help people with mental disorders and stuff are almost rude. I would definitely trust you.

  7. Great video i dont presently self-harm but i did and i understand exactly where ur coming from when i use to cut i always got that it was for attention that my parents were not giving me enough attention but really i just could not cope with emotions i responded by cutting+pulling my hair out not 4 attention the phrase attention seeking makes my blood boil its lucky now i just dont care about what others think. thanks kati

  8. i would tell them is another year of hurting your self worth waiting ur so worth freedom from self harm you can do it .

  9. Keeping on the self harm topic: how can i go seek help with out my parents knowing? They found out once and they were dissapointed in me. I started up again and i really just want an answer as fo why i am feeling this way. My parents dont believe iin mental disorders. Dont ask my why they just think it is a drs way of making people sound crazy. I just want some help

  10. Kati the fact that you never struggled with an eating disorder or self harm shocks me because you understand it so well! Thank you so much for making these videos. 🙂

  11. You're right, for most of my early to mid teens I did feel alone. Me & my family have a don't ask, don't tell relationship. When my dad found out about my self harm years & years ago, he just turned away. Didn't ask if I wanted help, didn't hug me, didn't say anything. I think it was his way of saying he didn't know what to do & that was def hard. To this day, we still dont talk about it. Im actually not sure if we ever will. I just feel like it's easier to not get him involved. It's been 8 yrs!

  12. Hey Kati , Its my first time watching a few of your videos about selfharm,your videos have helped me alot,ive got abit of cariage to tell my family about my selfharm.You understand selfharm soo well , and you understand how i feel,your videos are great looking forward to watching more 🙂 Take care p.s where you from xx

  13. hey kati, I just want to give you an insight into what I have beeen through. I was raped at the age of 12 hence why I started cutting. I never really discussed it at the time as the person who attacked me threatened me so I didn't say a word until it became to much , I confided in a teacher at school at the age of 16 so I lived with this pain for many years I have seen many psycholigists too but never been strong enough to deal with the problem I just need to find me as i am lost and strugglin

  14. Hey Kati, I can't even remember what my messages have been about today just been sooo caught up in over thinking every little thing and needing everything to be perfect that I kinda loose track. but what i did want to know is if you recived the poem I typed in the early hours of this morning because if you didn't recive it I will send it to you fb page and you can get it from there. I am trying all sorts of things to keep myself from thinkin about the urges but it never seems enough. Jess xxx

  15. Hey kati, here are some things that I have been able to do to help when SH urges I have 3 cards one is Things to be greatful for. 2nd is reasons for living andthe last one is coping Ideas for self harming. I have on my greatful card – support I recive, courage and strength, that I am loved ad cared about. reasons for livin my family and friends My activites ok that ones not so long but it is a workin procress. Last one 5 Minute rule listen to music take a walk re-read cards. hope this helps jess

  16. Hey Kati,I have had a really tough day today I have really struggled with my SH urges today I have had no time to journal or write my poems. I am just so frustrated and angry with myself I am just having a really rubbish day I hate feeling this way I can't remember a time when I was truely happy. can you also explain to me how I can be happy and motorvated to feeling like I am worth nothing I think my depression has something to do with it but I just don't seem to be getting better HELP ME!!

  17. My mom has found out all about some of my issues with eating and self harm. She says she'll get me help. But she won't do it. I'm about to lose it..

  18. Heey Kati, I live in Brazil, and here we don't have facilities like treatment centers that provides psychological help for people with eating disorders.. I can say that because when I was at the worst phase, my doctor just send me to the hospital and I got a tube down my nose to feed me. There are, obviously, psychiatrists, psychologists and dieticians. But I think it would be way more helpful if there were treatment centers with a team working together.

  19. everything got to be a bit too much yday.. my mum kept goin on about how i'll never be good enough after i get married & i'll never be able to do right by my in-laws (coz thats what matters in my coulture) & along with all my other worries i couldnt take it anymre. i felt like sucha burden & i didnt want to be a burden anymre so i emptied out the pain-killer bottle – there were 7 left & i tuk them & two other pills which mke me drowsy, i said my prayers & fell asleep. i just wantd to feel numb

  20. i didnt wanna kill myself.. i did want to go but i didnt wanna take my own life. i just wanted to stop feeling. i wanted to sleep for REALLY long. i was so tired. but i woke up the next morning so i guess i should be grateful right. i dont know how to keep being patient. i get adgitated reali quickli whenever my mother says anything & i'm always angry inside-doesnt matter where its directed. but i feel love inside for certain people but then i think how can i love when i hav so much hatred in me

  21. I'm sorry you're in so much pain 🙁 I wish that there was more I could do to help you, but I can reassure you that your mom's comments are NOT a reflection of who you are or of your worth. Be careful with the pills; as I'm sure you know that can get pretty dangerous pretty quickly.

  22. A few people have mentioned how they hate when people say that it's "only for attention". I do agree that that's inappropriate when from a place of ignorance, but I also cringe when people say that it's never about getting attention. At the height of my SH I, of course, was using it mostly to deal with emotions that I couldn't handle, but I'm not going to lie and say that in front of certain people I didn't hide the marks as well as I could have. I'd cut in an empty classroom hoping that the….

  23. ….teacher would walk in and find me. At the time I was in an abusive situation and had completely lost my voice. I didn't know how to ask for help any other way. Why am I writing all this? Because for a LONG TIME I was so ashamed that I had done that. I thought it made me a manipulative horrible person because other self harmers never admit that they've used it that way too. If someone is willing to SH only to get attn., I would think that they really must be in a place where attn. is needed.

  24. My parents just pretend like nothing's wrong, even after I was in hospital….I feel as if I can't talk to them about anything 🙁

  25. This spoke a lot of truth, I have no money and no friends/support system so I can't afford a therapist but I'd feel so lucky to have this person as support

  26. The reactions from family, friends and therapists is the reason i became better at hiding my self harm…i started when i was 13, my family thinks i recovered years ago.

  27. How would you respond to those who have adopted self harm as a point of normalcy? I started harming myself when I was ten years old. Eight years later, I'm still involved (though not as much) and it's become more of something that I do when I have time for it. For me, cutting is along the same line as going to the gym and telling me to stop would be like telling a marathon runner not to exercise. It's become part of me; it is who I am. I'm no longer in any mental distress, I am in fact, happy.

  28. It is so hard to tell myself that I am not weird when society puts us into categories, and as soon as tell someone hey I go to counseling, I get put into a box. A box that I feel is socially wrong because I am trying to get better, but it is comments like that make me feel like not speaking up about my problems. I go to counseling weekly, and I am a successful college student, but I suffer from PTSD, and I feel numb everytime I try to cry… It feels so good to get that out 😀

  29. When I told my best friend, she said "You need serious help!" And she made me feel like a freak. And I was like "Don't tell me that! I KNOW that!" It just made me feel so bad. But I told my therapist yesterday, and she was super awesome as usual.

  30. can you give some advice on being over supportive? my serious boyfriend used to self harm and i just learned today that it's possible to be over supportive about it. i have a giving, caring personality but can it be too much?

  31. I have a lot of scars and I am not afraid of showing them and my teachers at school will upright tell me that I am not allowed to show them because I am I need help for it not attention. I'm just like really? Are you kidding me? It's my skin and I can show it if I want

  32. thank you so much I cut my self ive tried to tell my mum but she isn't understanding at all me and my though are working together to stop cutting because she does awell and im seeing a counsellor , ive ask my friend does she want to come with mebecause it helps but she said she does what her mum and dad knowing but her cuttes are getting realy bad at times I just don't know what to do im helping her every step of the way to stop but I think she realy need pro hep like I did please help

  33. thank you for the video. I've tried telling my parents before about my SH and my dad yelled at me about it. why do people get angry when you tell them about SH for the first time?

  34. Kati! I just want to let you know that your videos have helped me soo much!! and in 1 week I've be 5 months clean! I wouldn't have been able to do it without your help! Thank you so much! your'e such an inspiration and you've helped me to get the courage to start making videos about my story with self harm! I can't thank you enough!!! God bless! 

  35. OK, so this probably sounds off, but in a way it makes me feel worse to read about people like me. Because in a way I wish I was alone in this (self harm and I think I have depression). Cause that's what kills my self esteem. I feel worthless, because I'm nothing special or unique and everything that I can do a million other people can do much better. When I read about people who SH, I think like "wow you're not even the worst. You aren't even the saddest person in the world. YOU ARE NOTHING."
    I don't know, if I make sense…
    So much about how I feel is totally backwards though. For example people think I don't want to hear "silly" things like "You're gonna be OK.", when in reality that's EXACTLY what would comfort me the most. Sometimes I'm no where near stable enough to stay calm through a long speech about Buddhist philosophies and just hear that SOMEBODY thinks I can do this.
    So, yeah, rants…

  36. I find it helps to research it a bit and maybe print out some stuff  so when you tell them you can also give them some info to help them understand it better. if it is a parent that cares but gets mad out of fear or shock try telling them how bad you feel mentally and don't be afraid to cry if you need to it might snap them out of "how dare you do this to me!" mode and back in to "wow my child is really hurting!" mode. 

  37. Demi Lovato did NOT dramatize it! She raises awareness and says that you can get help and get through it. Shes extremely helpful and inspirational. 

  38. You know….there is one thing I really want, to be normal…like you Kati for example…you by society standards are "normal"…just once I want to go a 24 hour period without thinking about hurting myself….

  39. Kati, I'm ready to get some help with cutting and self harming….How can I let someone know I self harm….I am very young and need help

  40. I would love to see you in person. I deal with a lot of issues you post videos about and I haven't had anyone who understood them as much as you do. It would be such a great help if I got to meet you and sit down and talk with you.

  41. Do you have videos that you recommend for therapists? I graduated last May and I have a client who self harms and I'm not sure how to treat self harming. I've tried to get your free workbook but I never received it. Is there a link? You could help even more people if you wrote a book for therapists. Thank you for your videos <3

  42. My husband found out and decided that I needed to go to a mental hospital. Does this need to happen every time I cut? I went to give him peace of mind but I don't think that I need to go EVERY time I cut. That will get expensive and be totally time consuming.

  43. What she said about family reacting with anger is so true. When my dad first saw my scars, he sent me to my room. He didn't ask what's wrong, he just yelled at me.

  44. I. FEEL. LIKE IM. ALONE EVEN MY FAMILY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. WHY I DO IT,
    I BECAUSE. I LOST SOMEONE I. LOVED, THEY THINK THAT'S NOT GOOD. ENOUGH ,
    SO I DEAL THE. WAY I KNOW. HOW .

  45. Dealing with ignorant people is the worst thing ever!! We already have a lot of severe mental issues that were trying to deal with by self harming. We don't need someone yelling at us and treating us like we're crazy. We need love and support

  46. Do you have a video talking about all of the different kinds of self harm. aren't there other forms of self harm than cutting? is skin picking a form of self harm?

  47. My mom says that people who self harm are idiots, weirdos, crazy, attention seekers, etc. Little does she know she is calling me all those words. How the hell do you cope with that Kati?

  48. I have been there it was the darkest time in my life. I am in recovery now for 6 years since I found strength and courage to get help and saw counselors and psychologists and therapists etc. I have had times where I did relapse though in my recovery process. it was so hard and I hid it very well.

  49. I want/need help but my mom says I need to just go to the hospital for a hold which I don't know why because I feel like it's not going to help me and everyone else in my family thinks it's for attention and for fun. But I rather not have the scars all over my arm and I don't have a good relationship with anyone.#katiFAQ

  50. Personally, I have been trying to slowly introduce something isn't correct in my brain and my mother does the exact same thing. She says i haven't had (so and so) and you don't either. Its really aggravating and its the same with my cousin and brother who keep saying im going to kill myself (i am not) its really isolating when im trying to help myself.

  51. Personally, I have been trying to slowly introduce something isn't correct in my brain and my mother does the exact same thing. She says i haven't had (so and so) and you don't either. Its really aggravating and its the same with my cousin and brother who keep saying im going to kill myself (i am not) its really isolating when im trying to help myself.

  52. I had a therapist say that she didn't want me to "go too deep, slit your wrists and off yourself." Uhhh. Thank u, next

  53. My parents found out about my self harm two years ago (I've stopped since then) and they didn't respond with anger, but more with confusion and it frustrated me so much because no matter how many times I explained why I did it they never understood. I wish I had found these videos earlier. They would helped me explain what I was going through and help my parents understand too.

  54. I dunno… me personally I hate when people say "you're not alone" because it just makes me thinks to myself I'm such a selfish bitch because people are in a much worse situation and you should be happy and your so ungrateful and it makes me self harm even more and feel even worse which makes me feel even more selfish and a continuous circle till I just cry myself to sleep and yh… literally just 3 words does that to me 😂😂… 😭

  55. I wish my mother would've read on it… When id cut or burn myself I would get locked in rooms while having a razor thrown at me screaming go do the other arm/leg, grounded, yelled at, random cut searches to my underwear in the living room in front of everyone, or making me show my sibling and father my cuts when I'd get caught… Seeing their looks of disappointment and the first time she did that how my sister looked at me and said "what is wrong with you?" Killed me inside a little bit.

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