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Ethics in Therapy! Is your therapist treating you right? – Mental Health Help with Kati Morton


Hey Everybody! Today I am going to talk with you about ethics in therapy. What’s appropriate? and what can we expect? ♫ (introduction music playing) ♫ So like I said, today I am going to talk with you
about ethics in therapy. and the reason I am bringing
this up is because I didn’t realize that the layperson, the people that aren’t in the
therapy practice themselves and haven’t gone to school
to become a therapist, didn’t realize what their rights are, and whats ethically appropriate behavior for a therapist and the therapeutic
relationship as a whole. That being said, I just wanted to go over a few of the “red flags” or things you should know so that you are better protected, because overall I want all of you
to have a great therapy experience. I want you know know what appropraite boundaries and what an appropriate therapeutic relationship
looks like, and I want you to get the most
benefit out of your therapy. I have heard from some of you as well as some of my clients, that their experiences have been terrible. They are telling me things and I’m like,
“You’re kidding me?!?” “That happened in real life?” So, the first thing I want to talk with you about
is boundaries. Now I know I talk a lot
about boundaries with friends and family, and keeping you safe, when you have some toxic
people in your life, and how boundaries can be important
through our recovery. Boundaries can also be
important in therapy. Because as a therapist,
I can’t tell my clients, “You can call me anytime and I
will get right back to you.” or “Text me anytime and
I will text you.” “Email me anytime and
I will email you.” Having a constant dialogue, no matter what time a day,
is inappropriate. Because the whole goal of therapy is for me to teach you tools, and then during the week, between our sessions,
or if I see you twice a week, between those sessions, you practice them, and then you get back to me,
in my office. To have access 100% of
the time, it’s not healthy. It causes us to use the
therapist as a crutch, instead of learning to
do things on our own, we are relying on someone else for every decision we make. Does that make sense? So it is important to notice if a therapist breaches those
boundaries right away. Saying things like, “You can get a hold of me anytime.” Obviously there is protocol. As a therapist, I have a 24 hour period, if it’s an emergency, Call 911,
go to the hospital, check yourself in,
call the suicide hotline, but I will get back to you
as soon as I can. That’s an appropriate boundary. I have a life too, I have other clients too, I can’t be on call
all the time. Now, the second thing I want to talk about is setting your expectations. As a therapist,
it is my responsibility, As are the boundaries, these are all my fault
and my responsibility, and I am taking all of this on, is setting your expectations. Now, I never tell my clients, “that goal you set when
we first got together, we will fix that lickety split!” “Don’t you worry, we’ll get that!” “Don’t ever think for a second we won’t” “Everything will be perfect!”
“We will do that!” “I will always be here,
things will always work out!” I can’t make those promises. I not God, or whoever else you believe
runs the world, like maybe the Wizard of Oz, I am none of those things. I can’t make things happen. What I can promise you,
is that I will be consistent, that we will work together, we will be in this process together, and we will do our best! So, thats another important thing, because I have had other
clients and other people online telling me that their
therpist has told them that they would always be there, or “things would always get better”, and, “this will happen at this time.” We just can’t, what that can lead to is disappointment. and then shame and embarrassment, thinking that as the client we didn’t do what we were suppossed to, or something because it didn’t turn
out the way it was supposed to. Am I right? So the way a therapist should
set expectations, is letting them know that therapy is a process,
it’s not perfection, we’re working together, it’s one step at a time, you let me know if your
goals change, or if things get harder for you, we can slow it down,
or we can speed it up, it’s together we work on this. It’s no certain time period, There is no assurance that
everything is going to get fixed, because every situation,
every person is different. Am I right? Now, the last thing I
want to talk about, is being clear about
the process of therapy. That being said about confidentially, and their limations too, I have heard from one of my followers that their therapist had said, “Everything you say in here is
a secret between you and I.” That’s just not true. Unfortunately, if we think
abuse is happening, whether you are going
to hurt someone else, if you are going to endanger the
life of someone else, or yourself, as I have talked about before, those are reasons I may have
to break confidentiality. I may have to put you
in the hospital. I may have to call CPS,
and report child abuse, or elder abuse. There are a bunch of things that I am legally mandated to report. Things changes state to state,
and country to country but overall they all have
something in place, where as a therapist I am
legally bound to do some things, and I have to break confidentiality and tell them some things, to make sure everybody stays safe. So, those are some basic, three points, three red flags I want you to notice, I want you to be aware of because this is your therapy. This is your process. and as a therapist, the responsibility falls on us, but the more I am learning is that not every therapist is
doing the best with this. Just like we might hire a plumber to come to our house and the
toilet may overflow the next day, and we don’t really know why, that plumber apparently sucked. Then we get other people that
come in and do their job great! Things are fixed! It’s the same with therapy, it’s just a job. Some people are really
good at their job, they invest a lot in their job, and other people are not. So I want you to be aware, so that we can work together! Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel, I put out videos 5 days a week, and you don’t want to miss them! We are such a great community here, so please leave your comments below, let us know what your
experiences have been, things that have worked for you, what therapy was like for you. Don’t forget to click and
share this video. This is very important information
for people to know, it would be great if each of you shared this on your
favorite social media site. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 thoughts on “Ethics in Therapy! Is your therapist treating you right? – Mental Health Help with Kati Morton

  1. Just wanted to note that there are therapies where keeping contact and/or allowing contact (even fregvent and at odd hours) is a part of the therapy! DBT for one and many trauma therapies as well. Also many humanistic approaches favor e-mail contact if it feels ok to both parties. I think that some rules are needed in this though, and yes it is the therapists responsibility to set the rules, and we can't (at least I can't) always be on call… but I do work in a setting and under a therapy field where e-mail/phone calls (sometimes more than one between sessions) offers such a huge benefit to the work I do (trauma therapy with DID clients) that I would actually highly recommend it! The goal is for them to one day go with out e-mails and therapy all together, but for the time they are in therapy many of them go through periods of fregvent contact and/or need skill building inbetween sessions and I never promise to answer them right away but I never punish them for needing the contact or extra support. I trust that in due time we will get to a point where that is no longer needed and in most cases that has been the case. At least with highly traumatized people where they might go in and out hospital, be highly suicidal and at times be barely functionin at all, you just have to approach therapy from a more flexible point of view. Not gratify every wish, but if you a point a certain time in your day for e-mails and think of it as being part of your job,(like everything else you do outside of the therapy session; educating yourself, supervision, planning for your next session etc), then you don't get irritated or feel it as an extra. I think of it as being a part of my job description and have found ways to incorporate it to my daily schedule and seen so many times how it helps and speeds the process for the client that I just really wanted to stress the point that for more complex client base contact between sessions is not in every case a red flag, quite the opposite!

  2. Thank you for this video! My wife and I had a councilor in the past that was a lot like the plummer example you gave. Currently we are seeking a new marriage councilor and are hoping to find somebody that loves their job.   

  3. I'm in the third month of my therapy and he didn't give me yet a diagnosis and even tools to get better (just some breath exercises). Is that ok?
    My problem: anxiety! (I may be schizoid, OCD or OCPD too – don't know yet).

  4. I haven't had the best experience with the mental health industry. first of all its hard to get an appointment. the very first psychiatrist I saw was outright racist to me, basically reducing my problems to stereotypes of Indian parents. a few (less outwardly) racist therapists later, and it's hard not to say the system has failed me. the professionals I've encountered are not culturally aware and unwilling to understand Asian family dynamics. I decided to look for an Asian therapist, but there are more unicorns in south Louisiana than Asian therapists. and in general, it's hard to get appointments anyway.

  5. my first therapist (out of two) told me she wouldn't tell my parents anything without my permission unless she saw I was a danger to myself or to others, then turned around and told my mom EVERYTHING

  6. This has happened to me this year with a therapist I had for a long time I can't go into too much detail because I still want to protect her but I am really struggling and am not sure where to turn and I really don't trust therapy anymore this has been devastating

  7. Thank you for this great video. I started seeing a therapist last summer and stopped when she started judging me and getting angry at me..I said I was hoping things would get better with my boyfriend and she replied angrily that I was neurotic and when would I understand that it would never get better and that if he loved me enough he would already have made some changes…I was shocked. I need to point out that my boyfriend is kind and what we need to work out are usual couple issues and not horrible things such beating me or anything !

  8. Kati, not sure if you answer questions from these old videos. I saw a MFT with my parents for several months, and I felt like a lot of the time it was about criticizing my behavior. On one hand I got it, because I was very irrational at the time. On the other hand, it made me feel terrible. I have major depression and GAD. What is your take? Also, do you have advice for when you get different diagnoses from different doctors? I feel like, how can I even try to recover when I have a problem trusting therapists' diagnoses?

  9. i have a bpd and my therapist allows me to call her when i am feeling very bad (sometimes suicidal) and i cannot help myself. Is that ok? on the other hand, i am realizing that the problem with attachment occurs = like i am relying on her in those situations…is that bad?

  10. Your videos are really great and helpful for me. THANK YOU! And I can't help but think of the movie What About Bob! if you have not seen it you need to.

  11. Hey katie ive been in therapy for about sixth months beacause of my depression and my eating disorder but mostly my depression but it seems like my eating disorder goten worse, ive tried telling my therapist but it seems like she doesn't understand and she never really mentioned or ask me how am i doing with it i usally have to tell her myself but she Really never says anything. and i think i need a therapist who can really help with that specific topic but i try telling my mum that i want a new therapist but she says no, i think ur therapist u have now is helping u alot. and yes she is but my therpist is not helping me with my eating disorder that much so now im thinking that i can keep it as a secret bc no one will help me with it ….sorry for the long comment please tell me what i should.

  12. Thanks that you're doing this Kati. Some of us that never studied psychology or therapy or have never seen a psychiatrist or therapist get so lost and afraid at times shock under labels. Having at least a glimpse of these through your videos help vanish that stigma a lot. Hope your vids like yours go viral so we start moving in a more awakened compassionate world. Thanks for stepping up.

  13. Interesting subject. I had once had a therapist in Orange County California who I had been seeing after the end of a long term relationship. I felt really bad at the time. I began dating a gal during the course of my therapy who I found out was seeing the same therapist I was seeing. When I went to my next session I told my therapist, whom I'll call 'John', that I was seeing one of his clients. John looked perplexed and told me that he was jealous, which I thought was kind of weird.

    The next time I saw the girl whom I was dating she told me that the therapist "John" told her that "she should not be dating me", that I had "too many problems and that things would never work out." Of course I called "John" and after using some choice words, I terminated my therapy with him immediately. When I mentioned the incident to my family physician, seeing him for a routine check up, my physician pleaded with me to file a complaint against the therapist. My physician said, "It's idiots like that who give us all a bad name."

  14. Only went to one therapist.Went about 5 times.The last time she shouted at me about me being an individual.I didn't go back as I felt violated that she could be like that after opening up to her.Who was in the wrong there?Was she just doing her job?

  15. I've been bless the two times I've had therapy with two great therapists. The first was in a small town and she is now retired. And the second is my current therapist with whom I'm in an off period of needing therapy with.

  16. i went to a support worker who told me i wasn't suffering ptsd when i had been diagnosed by a professor. She said cruel things about me and my loved ones. I couldn't believe what i was hearing Because of this i hide . Myself away and am afraid of meeting people.

  17. I am currently an undergraduate in psychology who has the goal of becoming a clinical psychologist. I am particularly interested in eating disorders, NSSI and addiction. I appreciate your passion for helping other people, and your clarity and conciseness in your videos. I would love to see a video about your journey to becoming a therapist.

  18. I have jumped in here because I don't know how I might otherwise make a contribution. You have often made remarks about how the countertransference, must be avoided by counsellors. I constantly monitor my countertransference, when working with clients and work hard to differentiate between which feelings are mine own and which are those of my client. I have been working in the UK for 16 years and am psychodynamically trained at post graduate level, but, having then taught counselling theories, am person centered inclined. Am I wrong|?

  19. I had a therapist tell me once I was a liar..that I made up all of my childhood trauma. Uhhh..WHAT?!?! No wonder she couldn't help me with that and ultimately kicked me to the curb..with NO REFERRALS! You can say I am still traumatized by this..

  20. The more I think about it and daydream about it, the more I realize that I want a more family relationship, not a therapist. If only I could pay someone for that, haha.

  21. I feel like I finally found the right therapist. Your video supports my sense that we're doing this right, lol. He does allow me to text under somewhat less dire circumstances than suicidal ideations. My mothers has been critically in hospital for going on three months. But even still that has happened maybe 3 times and he gets back to me when he can. There's no expectation of dialogue outside of session. More often I have something exciting I'd like to share that has gone great and I save it for the office. I have faithfully participated in therapy for years. But for the first time and even in the midst of my mothers health crisis, I see that I can be whole again someday & content in my life. Find the right person, work hard & things really can get better. You can do it.

  22. My therapist blamed me for everything. Looking back I can see how sick it was, but at the time it was familiar like my mother and I wanted to fix it. The best thing I ever did was to find a new therapist.

  23. well I completely felt bullied and re-traumatized at my very first session. I was not explined about what its about. She sat there and tried to reframe everything I said in a negative way. Then ended saying how are you paying. Leaving me with no tools nothing. I was shaking and a wreck this happened 2 days ago. Should I report it?? Worse I realize she was not a psychologist and was trying to use jargon and field terms to contradict my thoughts. Any advice please?

  24. Too many therapist abuse their power and are not using proper communication stategies. These horrible experiences are too common….

  25. My therapist told me he could help my husband with his addiction. He knew my husband also emotionally abused me but said we could stay married but live apart. We only met with him twice, otherwise he met with us separately. I really don't think he knew how anxious I was. He always told me I was getting better, but I knew I wasn't getting better as ling as I stayed with my husband. The therapist gave me false expectations!!! I think he was clueless!!!!

  26. I need a counsellor to get over my last counsellor who I saw in order to get over the previous one to recover from my first who was an a**hole

  27. My therapist tells me I can call her any time and she tells me she's going to check up on me throughout the week to see if I'm reaching my goals (which, I'm not..). She lectures me all the time when I don't reach a goal, saying how I "haven't done anything" over the year I've been there. She asks me why I'm "still here," and then turns around and says that I've gotten a lot better. If I haven't been trying, how have I gotten better? She compares me to my mom and the other members in my group, too. ..She also tells me everything we talk about is between us…

  28. Katie- what about therapists who tell you to call them if there's an emergency? Like if you're feeling suicidal or having a really bad panic attack? I've had therapists say 'if you're very distressed, call me ANY TIME'. Is that ok? It feels like it would be.

  29. once I had a therapist that saw both me and my mother…and whil enjoying she did do this a lot with me she would talk about her life and her problems to my mum all the time

  30. Many of the therapists I've encountered were complete boorish idiots. They must have cheated through graduate school or games the system in other ways.

  31. I had a therapist in school tell me I could skip if I dint want to come than one day I skiped cause I was doing a project she called me to the principlas office let him scream at me for an hoour an a half for skipping and completetly gaslighted me what a bitch

  32. also she asked me about my goals i told her and she basically told me it was never going to happen

  33. I had one tell me today that someone touching my ass was normal and okay and not a big deal.☹️

  34. Is it true that after a certain amount of time, you can become friends with your previous therapist? What are your thoughts on this?

  35. I had a counsellor once shout at me for being too distressed. she also used to cancel sessions so she could go on errands and invite me to walk with her…often answering the phone in session. she was trying to programe numbers into her cell phone in session once…i got fed up waiting for her to finish doing that so i just did it for her >_> which I shouldn't have offered either but I wasn't very boundary smart at 18

  36. Anyone know if her business info i was looking if she had a website or something more info on trying to get therapy sessions with her

  37. I had a particularly judgmental therapist who told me a complained too much…. Most things I talked about she would respond with bashing me for not doing certain things in my life. I hadn't learned to drive for many reasons but I still managed to do everything I needed and she told me " you're behind in life". That's definitely something a depressed and anxious person wants to hear… she also pushed me into trying to get into a relationship with someone even though I had mentioned it wasn't something I was ready for.
    Also, about me "complaining too much"- she never helped me work through anything. She sat there listening, nodding and jotting things down, end of session! After about 3 months she tells me I complain too much, but we had never had a treatment plan in place or anything for me to work on! She just wanted me to get medication but in the meantime a she didn't help me at all. I learned more from one day mental health seminars than from paying that lady for 3 months… I really feel that she didn't set out what to expect from therapy. I had seen a therapist before I moved to college and she actually worked through things with me, my "complaints" had "plans on how to work through this" . In college I had new issues and that lady never helped me. Once I did start making changes she was like " You did this because I pushed you to huh?" ( all smug…) and the reality was no, I relied on friends, online resources and other free counselling sessions to get where I needed to be…
    Now I'm debating how much I need therapy because I don't have that money to waste anymore :'(

  38. I'm frustrated at myself for remaining in "treatment " with my therapist for over a year because months ago it became clear to me she had little to no awareness of what domestic violence is or the fact that it causes serious trauma. Although she's been in practice for 25 years she claimed she has never had a client whose been a victim of domestic violence. She invalidated the trauma I suffered and instead of working with me to reduce my trauma she would just chat with me each week never actually doing any therapy- nor did she ever talk about goals for treatment or progress- she was either lazy or incompetent because in light of all the serious trauma I had as a victim all she ever did each week was chat– knowing I have ptsd she never taught me for example any breathing or meditation techniques or anything at all – she didn't acknowledge that domestic violence is trauma. She would instead say things like "I can see that for you it's felt traumatizing"—- this is very incompetent implying that violence isn't objectively a trauma, and that it's "just the way I feel about it "— I'm so frustrated I didn't stop seeing her last year, after she told me she was angry that I "wasn't strong enough to leave the relationship "– the final straw came when she spent an entire 15 minutes of a 45 minute session discussing her concern about how she would get paid if the district attorney subpoenaed her to testify at the criminal case against my spouse (therapists first of all aren't paid if they are a witness in a criminal case and also they are not supposed to ask the victim to pay them) — she took up one quarter of a session discussing her worry of whether she would get paid and shockingly told me if the district attorney didn't pay her she might have to bill me! I mentioned this to the domestic violence program I attend and the social worker said she needs to be reported to the board of psychology because she spent my session discussing money instead of addressing the trauma I have. I am probably going to file a report against her. I believe she is primarily in practice for the financial gain– proven by the fact that she never in my time of seeing her ever made any treatment plan, never used any techniques to help me or provided therapy– she would just make conversation about various topics of conversation– AND, by the fact that at our last session she spent over a quarter of the session time discussing how her interest in receiving payment if she were called as a witness to the criminal proceeding.

  39. Therapists make a lot of mistakes. What's penny wise for them is pound foolish
    for us. I asked for an e-mail, and she said no! Now what (?). 2 sessions later, @ one
    per month, w/ 25 minutes to go, I was told by her she got a promotion and I couldn't
    believe it but that was it for 1 1/4 years. I waited 3 mos. for her maternity leave. I do
    not really know; but, it sure didn't feel right. Sue told me, "I'd never take therapy from
    anyone that was less than 5 years younger than me!" "I think she lied." She decided
    w/ or s/ advice, "to cut it off!" but I don't know.takin 6mos. off currently. unexperienced

  40. I've had a therapist that I have known since childhood. His a great guy, but should I change if I feel I need a new one?

  41. I completely disagree with your first point and almost sounds like you don’t want to be “bothered” by your clients. I’m going through extensive ptsd trauma therapy. My therapist makes it clear to me if, my symptoms get out of hand or anything out of the normal happens, to call and email her. There have many times throughout this process i know i would not have made through this work without the added support. It’s not really a crutch to come along side and help when things get extra hard

  42. how do yiou deal with friends who try to act like therapist but they get mad because you call them out about not trying to be a therapist with you? much appreciated.

  43. Great video – thank you! It helped to explain many of the things that went wrong with my last therapist, and helped me see it was not me, it was her.

  44. I participate in an online support group. It always amazes me when people make this type of post: Help! I sent a text to my therapist 10 mins (a half hour, an hour, whatever time period) ago and they have not responded! I think they hate me! What have I done wrong!, etc.

    It amazes me more that others respond with sympathy for the OP and sometimes with reassurance that maybe the therapist is with another patient or even sometimes indignation that the therapist has not responded yet (as if therapists have nothing else going in their lives, including no other patients). So far, I have yet to see someone say 'why are you contacting your therapist like that anyway?' and have not yet have the courage to write that myself.

    I would NEVER contact my therapist like that between appointments. I mentioned to him one time these types of postings. He looked uncomfortable, as if getting ready to give me the boundaries talk. But, I said, 'don't worry, I have no interest in calling or texting you between appointments. I would be upset if you allowed that, because it would mean you have no boundaries and no life outside of your practice. I am past the kindergarten age where I think my teacher or my therapist sleeps under their desk, existing only for my interactions with them.' He looked relieved.

    Seriously, I expect my therapist to have good boundaries and to have a life outside of his practice. To me, it just seems selfish to expect that my therapist be at my beck and call 24-7.

  45. I gotten told off with my therapist to the point I was told to put myself into a panic attack when dx with anxiety and dystamia plus then do not rely on people which I do not I rely on myself that is how each therapy or therapist appointment has been for me and I get told deal with it I have tried to hide the fact I am not eatting right and different things I am binge eatting and I tried to admit it today and my therapist does not get it my case manger gets it not like my therapist sad

  46. I disagree with the argument you make about boundaries. If you allow yourself to be used as a crouch by your clients it is your own fault. Avoiding interaction where they can use you as a crouch is one way to address it, but thats taking a shotgun to shot an apple off someone head. You illustrated why one should not be using the opposite extreme, namely I am always here for you. I have never told a client call me any time I WILL ANSWER because it is a lie, I can't. However, if a client text me (even at 2 AM) and I am free to answer I will regardless and if they develop an expectation I will address it. I answered because I was up at 2 am, I was not this other time so I did not answer. If a therapist is too scared or lazy to address being accused or challenged in treatment then it's their fault. It may be a harsh opinion but I feel too many therapist put boundaries up to protect themselves from discomfort even if it hurts their client.

  47. "I'm not God or whoever else you believe runs the world – like, maybe, you know, Wizard of Oz" – best quote ever 😂😂 (3:20)
    Love your channel by the way. <3

  48. How about you tell your therapist, whom you've previously told you were trying to liberate yourself from the harmful effects of a certain type of cult-like spirituality, of a great achievement of yours that was based on logic, only to have that therapist turn around and reinforce the cult like thinking by reference to appeals to science and quantum woo.

    Pissed off!

  49. i dont know if i didnt explain well enough as to how suicidal and depressed i was one night but when i told my therapist i texted a crisis line she told me that those are for emergencies only.

  50. I have a therapist that went too political when I asked a simple question about her 4th of July. I was thrown out of a loop. It was a red flag.

  51. My therapist invited me for a coffee, he told me that I am sexy and beautiful and that he wants to know me as a friend. I feel betrayed.

  52. Hey Kati thank you for this video it has help me understand the boundaries of therapist. Please do more video on this topic.

  53. I doubt any therapist say ”call me any time” to all clients, which quite obviously would be overwhelming. So they're selective, and you don't have to be a genius to realize something creepy and potentially abusive (the power differential) might be going on.

  54. My therapist said I could reach to her at any time… what… should I… do know? not reach to her and that's it? I'm confused

  55. I'm scared of therapy because as a teenager who had zero self esteem and an emotionally abusive father and verbally and emotionally abusive step father I went to counseling. She asked me what's been going on and what were the reasons I was there. I told her what had been going on. She stood up and got in my face and started calling me names and insulting me. I felt like I had to fight to get to the door to run away.
    I dont know how to get over this. Its left an enormous scar on me

  56. #KatiFAQ @Kati Morton

    My first therapist used her private phone at work, meaning her clients had her private number. I remember reacting about this in the beginning thinking it was really weird. She also sometimes agreed to be available whenever if she thought a client needed that, so I was allowed to text or call her in the middle of the night if it got really bad. I once texted her really early in the morning and she got out of bed and talked to me for over two hours.

    After going to her for almost a year I started feeling REALLY attached to her. I'd recently gone on full time sick leave and felt that my whole life was falling apart and she'd talked to me a lot over the phone during this period of time. Once I asked if she could "adopt" me and be like a mom to me. I was kind of ashamed about that afterwards because I knew it was wrong and that she couldn't possibly agree to that. But I still brought it up in the next therapy session because I needed to talk about how I felt, and she said she'd think about it. She later, after discussing it with her husband, agreed. Deep down I guess I knew that this wasn't etichal in any way, but I've been so alone and have wanted a mother figure even after becoming an adult. Not to take care of me like a child, but to have that kind of a relationship. After the therapy had ended was the idea. But it got out of hand really fast. I went to her summer house with her for almost a week, we said we loved each other and often had lunch together before or after therapy and she paid. I loved this, but she felt it got to be too much too fast and wanted to end the whole thing. I was crushed, but we then said that we could see where it would lead after I was done in therapy. She was having a private practice and when my gp referred me to the psychiatry to get more help I stopped seeing her as she also felt I needed more help than she could give.

    Today I think the team working with me is amazing. They're so professional. I've never told anyone about what happened with my last therapist, though. I'm kind of embarrased thinking I should have known better, but mostly it's because I don't want to hurt her in any way. I think she kind of learned from her mistake and it's not like she's a bad person or anything. I'm even ashamed for feeling like I wasted money seeing her when she was an integral part in getting me to see someone in the first place, and later on starting to see a doctor for sick leave and medication. But her practice didn't take insurance and was expensive, so having paid about $3,500 all in all I feel kind of cheated. I have her on Instagram and we've texted a few times after I stopped seeing her, but we don't really talk anymore. She wrote back in April that we'd be in touch, but I haven't heard from her after that. She could have written on facebook, though, since I haven't been active there for a long time. But I'm not even sure that I even want to keep talking to her now. I just don't know. Maybe I feel more disappointed now because I know what it's like to have a professional team around me. I don't know.

    And I'm not even sure what my question is, but I guess I wanted to tell someone about this. Do you have any thoughts about what happened?

  57. I was treated with EMDR and was retromatize to the point that I started vomiting after sessions. I would sometimes vomited for days after a session. I now have difficulty swallowing and damage to my teeth. I have anxiety when I have to attend therapy now.

  58. Every inappropriate behavior here by the therapist ive experienced multiple times. Had sex with 2 therapists. Drank alcohol while in therapy…provided by therapist. Crazy. My original issue has become forgotten. I have to work through therapy before i can get to original problem.

  59. One of the obvious flaws in the therapy system is that there’s not enough practical help for clients and patients. There are a lot of people who have zero normal support in their life, which means they can’t get the same things done as those who do have support from family, friends or a partner.

    So more assistance would be very helpful and appropriate. It’s just not available for those who are not very wealthy, (like a lot of Hollywood stars)

    You’re not crazy or inappropriate if you need more help – it’s just that the help isn’t available to most people.

  60. My Therapist is very similar. She won't engage in therapy over txt etc. When I had an emergency crisis she did respond almost immediately. (She had just text confirmation of next session as she does each time). She told me she could see me 2 days later to explore safely. I do respect her time though and wouldn't txt her about nothing. It actually took me 24 hours before I did txt her as I didn't want to bother her.

  61. I went back to self-harm with my current therapist because he said something that hurt me a lot. A few days ago, he did it again, and I hurt myself again. I think I should not see him anymore, but its weird because I think that in some point he helps me. Its weird, maybe he is manipulating me. Any help?

  62. Sometimes, therapists are treading a fine line. Every client is different and the approach they take cannot be the same for everyone. There even may be a clash of personalities in which case the therapist should realize it before it is obvious to a client and suggest another colleague without having to go into details. "My colleague would be better suited to your needs"…Nothing wrong with that. But since therapy has become a big business, I am worried we are losing the reason for which we started this profession in the first place. Just my 5 cents.

  63. I have schitophrenia. When I was about twelve, I went to a therapist. She said it was impossible for someone so young to have schitophrenia. She diagnosed me with OCD (the voices was her reason for that) and said that I had an over active imagination.

    Years later, I finally went to another therapist who treated me better. I am feeling a lot better now.

  64. I got very depressed after three weeks of group analytic therapy. I realised there was techniques being used that made no sense, intentionally and I questioned this and got silence. I got more and more depressed. I wanted to leave, but kept getting encouraged to stay. I've read way way too much literature now on psychotherapy and I am utterly astounded at the ethics. "Positive manipulation" "give the resistant patient something baffling." "Hold with love in one hand and spank their bottom with the other." There's so many version of "therapy" that I think it's really disingenuous to not explain what they are going to do. I thought I was going psychotic. I couldn't understand why whatever I said was flipped, ignored, twisted or just answered with a non-sequitur. It's left me in a mess, with a therapist I basically want to scream at. I can't get that time back. 15 months. I'm still confused and suffering from the deceitful, cruel and ultimately totally pointless time I gave. Erickson's Confusion Technique should be not be used. I came close to suicide three times during my 15 months of group analytic therapy. Erickson was into hypnosis and creating a "void" in the patient's mind, which the therapist can then insert their view, value, perspective. I studied Psychology. I am aghast that this passes for ethical treatment. SH Foulkes wrote to deliberately avoid giving the patient information in advance. How do people ever return to therapy once they've unconvered things about it that seem dangerous?

  65. Therapists think they are better than all other people. They charge for something they can’t give, – truth. They deceive themselves and those seeking truth. So use their darkness to find the light.

  66. So if you have to narc on your clients, do you do it behind their backs covertly or do you let them know ahead of time that you will narc on them?

  67. No one is perfect. If something doesn't feel right then discuss with your therapist. No when to walk. Dont walk prematurely though. Be prepared and be realistic because in life anything can happen.

  68. Therapist should be on call for someone who is dangerously suicidal. You are treating the patient just like a medical doctor. You don't hear a doctor say hey I got a life. I don't care if you are sick. A therapist says they won't take calls BUT they might have to put you in the hospital against your will. Sounds like someone I want to sit in the same room with.Sorry but not having good feelings about therapists right now. I had a bad experience with a therapist and I have promised myself I will never put myself in a situation where someone has the upper hand. We trust therapists too much. We trust because we think they know whats best for us. Maybe we already know the answer inside and need to do our own work.

  69. What do you think if a home in counseling come in your home and tell you yours child violence outburst is your fault and when they mentioned a chart tell we try it but it did not help him cause he is defined and won't listen to me

  70. I had therapist that said my problem are coming from the fact I am not loving Jesus. I still wonder how come this person got psychiatric degree in a first place. The second worst fact about this is that still I had to pay for this session ridicoulously big amount of money.
    I tried once more time therapy but the woman was speaking throught all the time of our meeting how joy can be found in simple things, telling me stories from her life. She didn't ask me more than 2 questions throught 1 and half hour session.
    I never came back to therapist because I was truely astonished how these people are poorly managing theraphy ans sessions and still have balls to ask for shitloats of money for their "services" so I thought seeing a therapist is truely something riddiculous.
    I am happy to see it's slowely changing

  71. One male therapist wanna that I say good bye with a kiss and his face.. I got anxiety. I had to quit him. My new, well doesn't validate my trauma. I'm tired..It's so bad in Norway

  72. Hey kati , i got a question
    Is it ok for therapists to hold the patient’s hand or hug them if needed?
    Is it common?

  73. ALSO, my therapist let me call and email her whenever i wanted and recently she said that she shouldn’t have done that and made me sign a contract on emailing and said if i break it she will suspend the emailing. she just suspended it because one of my messages were too long. but i was telling her i wanted to cut, which it said on the contact i had to do or else i wouldn’t have

  74. Nothing in counseling is confidential, especially when there is a "Clic" in the office amongst gossipy females who think so highly of themselves.

  75. One of my past therapists pressured me to talk about a very personal subject that I wasn't ready to open up to him about in detail and implied that it was my duty to trust him if therapy was going to progress. That is not the way that trust works. You are supposed to earn trust.

    This guy also drove me into a meltdown on what ended up being my last day working with him, when he scolded me for complaining about "tea and dishes," i.e. an argument that I was having with my parents which had to do with housework–i.e. making tea and washing dishes.

    It seems to me that a therapist who wanted to help their client build their own "toolbox" and discover their own internal wisdom would have been interested in digging deeper and delving into what was going on under the surface of an argument that was on the surface about housework. Only a therapist who had the philosophy that his role was to be solely an external source of wisdom would have felt that it was his right to tell a client they were making a mountain out of a molehill based solely on what was going on on the surface.

    Aside from that, it would seem to me that any therapist who wasn't aware that no one truly gets upset about "little things" because there are always big things under the surface, is not only a really shitty therapist, but also a very arrogant, presumptive, judgmental human being with no where near the amount of insight into human nature that he should have had at his age. He was probably mid-twenties at the time. If you haven't figured out by the time you're in your mid twenties that no one truly gets upset at little things because there are always big things under the surface, something's wrong. Especially if you are going to set yourself up in one of the helping professions.  

    This happened years ago, so it would be too late to report him even if I could make a good case against him. But in your professional opinion, to what degree do you think that his philosophy of therapy was a valid one that I didn't happen to share, (i.e. is there really a school of thought that casts therapists into the role of external dispensers of wisdom? Because that seems to me like it would carry a lot of risk for abuse of power) and to what degree do you think that he was behaving toxically and unethically? 

    How much was there going on under the surface of the housework argument with my parents, at least on my end? Enough that when I left that session I sat on the grass by the bus stop to wait for my bus, and wept uncontrollably, and tried to phone a youth minister in whom I was confiding my troubles at the time. I needed counseling to help me cope with the pain of being belittled in that session with my therapist. And I do think my pain was justified, and I don't give a damn what that therapist or anybody else says.

    This rant is largely because I'm getting ready to re-enter treatment, and a lot of pain and frustration associated with therapy that was hurtful or just didn't really accomplish my objectives, is coming to the surface.

  76. If you went to the store expecting to buy rye bread and all they had was white. What would you do? But white right. So same with a therapist… give the relationship a try. If it does not work for you, then be adult and ask for referral or other options to achieve your goal.. be honest. But, do be true to yourself.

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