ISPP 2015

Career Opportunities in Pharmacy
“Clinical Finesse” Med School Parody – David Geffen School of Medicine Class of 2021


Guillain-Barre?? Right?! I know… Oh my… I thought it was LEMS! I can’t believe it. Let’s get out of here. You coming KJ? Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside-down. If you’d like to take a minute just sit right thurr. I’ll tell you how med school became a caffeinated blur. Life as a premed those were the days I was sleeping in and going out and still getting A’s. Now I’m in this lecture hall learning about cholesterol clogging up blood vessel walls while my eyelids start to fall. And I start to doze off because I’m sleepy as hell but if I rest for a minute than all should be well. I sleep for one damn minute I wasn’t even snoring! And then I find myself on everyone’s snapchat story… I wish I was that guy sleeping in class but I’ve got to crash cram all these pathways for RAS. I swear all I ever do is just study every minute in the bedroom in the kitchen i n the bathroom while I’m sh*****… You can find me podcasting lecture on the 405 learning while I drive windows down issa vibe Going through Anki cards in the Starbucks line, crossing my fingers I don’t get my card declined… In a flash I hit a dash to Anatomy Lab I was the only one late to gather round the cadav’ I got in one little fight with my scrubs down there Teach said: IDENTIFY THIS ORGAN THAT IS SHAPED LIKE A PEAR I look to my left I look to my right sympathetics acting up so I had to clutch my probe tight. I wish I had paid more attention in class because I shouted ovary and then I hit a big dab! some do dabs in Anatomy Lab some people just cram for this Histopath I don’t know the stage of inflammation in that patient all I see is a bunch of pink and purple staining. Squint my eyes to look hella inquisitive knowing I don’t know what the hell this tissue is arteries, lymphatic ducts they just look like bags of mush. Now my laptop is acting up man, I should take acting up… I just interviewed the standardized patient. classmates staring at me had me anxious I took the patient’s history forgot to ask for allergies guessed a diagnosis uhhh… floral pollinosis? Fumbled on my words as I presented to my tutors. Walked out the room and call an Uber. See my crew, we split a pool to make our way home. Been a really long day as a medical student at UCLA… So Alex, you driving for Uber now? Or… Gotta stay hustlin’ Yeah, about that Alex… my card… it might not… It’s all cool in this pool Uhh… except for that interview I just did… guys… that was TERRIBLE. AND that Histopath… Now don’t get me started about Anatomy And I know y’all saw me on Snapchat AHHHHHHHH HA HA GOTTEEEEM (Howling) I know it’s tough, but we’re getting through it, right guys? Yeah, ya know, this alone is really refreshing, guys. Drop that stress! You’ll ace this test! You’re an expert at coag cascade Vitamins – you know ’em Rare genetics ain’t nothing You’ve got moves to solve chronic back pain! When the hormone axes got us all Dropping to the flo’ Your cortisol stays low You’re teaching like Costanzo We went from basic history to physical exams and the patients say to me as I percuss their abdomens like AYYYY flex that leg, resist me like AYYYY drape it on them correctly okay OKAY! Oh yeah, we’re learning that finesse every day… Oooh, at first it seems like we’ll never learn it, studying all night long. (All night long) Yeah, so many drugs to remember. Nervous, I might need mirabegron. Whether we study in two’s or we assemble a gang we know what we must do yeah friends, it’s ok working to become good doctors learn the art of medicine together we’ll be alright take flight … We’re out here learning that finesse starting to make sense Yeah that Clinical Finesse You know it, you know it… We’re out here learning that finesse Give us a few more years We’ll be dripping in finesse You know it, you know it… Please just relax for me patient For accuracy I will hold your arm (At heart height) Make connections, build up that good rapport Find treatments to best fit their lives Alpha one or beta twos we know how pressures will change Let’s give him terbutaline make bronchioles dilate Working hard to become doctors SIR, HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR PAIN? Deep breath, our dream is in sight That’s right. We’re out here learning that finesse Starting to make sense Yeah that Clinical Finesse You know it, you know it We out here learning that finesse Give us a few more years We’ll be dripping in finesse You know it, you know it Classmates, grab your coats freshly pressed and white (Pressed and white) We put it on together put it on for life Now go and serve those patients like you know is right Clinical Finesse, patient care in mind They say our knowledge growing strong Got it going on Don’t it feel so good to be in LA? AYYYY Sense of humor all day long Got it going on (Sunshine all year long) Professor flow be strong Got it going on Bleeding finesse like we’re deficient in Vitamin K Yeah we got it going on Got it going on We’re out here learning that finesse Starting to make sense Yeah that Clinical Finesse You know it, you know it We’re out here learning that finesse with our classmates We’ll be dripping in finesse You know it, you know it Yeah we got it going on Got it going on Recognizing bruises and pus AYYYY Yeah we got it going on Got it going on Rocking white coats, all day long Yeah we got it going on Got it going on Pledge to patients to do our best AYYYY Yeah we got it going on Got it going on

11 thoughts on ““Clinical Finesse” Med School Parody – David Geffen School of Medicine Class of 2021

Leave comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked with *.